Need to be a little bit stronger

Last night I was super lame. I passed up a chance to go out and celebrate St. Patrick's Day with some of my favorite people in favor of pajamas and reruns on tv. I realized I was being lame the second I made the decision, but I'm one of those people that makes a decision and is super stubborn and sticks to it {even if they realize it was the wrong decision}. The horrible part was that I knew instantly that S was super bummed, even though he did get to enjoy a night out he had to do it sans me. See, every since we had BK I have had a really hard time leaving her. I have found myself bailing on plans last minute, or coming up with excuses, or just not making plans at all. And the time has come for change.

See I realized that not only am I preventing myself from having fun, but I'm also preventing BK from learning independence from me. I'm not allowing BK the opportunity to gain independence in forming relationships with others. Don't get me wrong, she interacts with others , just not without me standing by.  Brooklyn Grace is a very independent little girl, but I want her to be confident in herself in forming relationships as well. I want her to realize that other people see just how funny + smart + sweet she is, it's not just mama's rose colored glasses.

I'm also putting a damper on my marriage. While my love with S is stronger now than ever before I am definitely not as fun as before. I used to be the life of the party, or at least a piece of it. I used to keep my husband on his toes. I used to be adventurous. I want to get all of that back. Most of all I never want my husband to feel as if the baby is my only priority. Our blissful marriage and fun nights are what got us BK in the first place.

So I need to work on balance. I need to be better at being mama, friend, wife, daughter, and sister. I know that it won't come extremely quickly, and probably not extremely easily, but I need to make more of a conscious effort. So here's to hoping that I get better. Here's to hoping that a little bit of the old me will make a come back. Wish me luck.